i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
