her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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