I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
