Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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