This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
