who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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