i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
