yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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