I wish i was in the wii world.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
