forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
