he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
