A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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