enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
