Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
