I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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