i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
