and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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