There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
