Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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