ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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