I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
