I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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