At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
