You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
NoShamevember. You game?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
