Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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