Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
