I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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