Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
