I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
