she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
