I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Boobs are out for the taking
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
