I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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