Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
