The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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