He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
