The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
