We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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