My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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