This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
