YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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