i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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