I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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