Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
