Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
