So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
