We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
