Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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