made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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