the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
