All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
