Swine flu. Run for my life!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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